“I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking.”
“I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You’ve done nothing! NOTHING!”
“I’m a hot little potato right now. Would you like me to nuke the whole town?”
“I have a power-grip handshake, I’m too eccentric for my own good, and my hair is a work of art!”
“Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.”
“What is this? A center for ants? How can we expect children to learn how to read if they can’t even fit inside the building?”
“I’m not a doctor, but I play one in real life.”
“Doesn’t anyone notice this? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”
“I puke on cue. Want to see?”
“I’m sorry I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
“You can dere-lick my balls, cap-e-tan.” HOPE YOUR HAVING A GOOD DAY QUOTES
“I’m so glad I made it in time for the orgy. Is there an orgy?”
“I’m a hot mess. I’m like a hairball stuck in the drain of life.”
“I can pull off any look, from deranged to unhinged.”
“I’m like a freight train; if I’m coming at ya, better get off the tracks!”
“I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught one, you know? I just do things.”
“I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly…”
“I’m not an ambi-turner. It’s a problem I had since I was a baby. I can’t turn left.”
“I’m not a person, I’m a movement!”
“You know, I can’t really taste the difference between lemons and limes. Can you?”