THIS IS GOING TO HURT FUNNY QUOTES

by

“I always say, if you can’t laugh at yourself, laugh at your doctor’s handwriting.” – Unknown

“They say laughter is the best medicine, but my healthcare provider only accepts cash.” – Unknown

“Life is short, smile while you still have teeth.” – Mallory Hopkins

“I asked the doctor for a second opinion, and he said, ‘You’re also ugly.'” – Rodney Dangerfield

“I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.” – Henny Youngman

“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin

“Hospitals should have a separate ER entrance for people who accidentally swallowed their pride.” – Unknown

“Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.” – Unknown

“I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next bowel movement could spell disaster.” – Unknown

“I’m not a doctor, but I play one in real life.” – Unknown

“I’m not saying my doctor is dumb, but we had to remove his medical license because he thought anesthesia was just a feeling.” – Unknown

“I’m not a doctor, but I do give out free stethoscope hugs.” – Unknown

“The only thing I’m in danger of is bursting out laughing during serious medical procedures.” – Unknown ONE BAD DECISION QUOTES

“Who needs health insurance when you have a collection of funny videos to cheer you up after a hospital visit?” – Unknown

“My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.” – George Burns

“I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.” – Henny Youngman

“I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to keep out of those places.” – Henny Youngman

“I asked my doctor if I could take up jogging. He told me that if I could wait for him to finish his donut, I could.” – Unknown

“They say laughter is the best medicine, but I prefer vodka.” – Unknown

“Doctor: ‘You’re obese.’ Patient: ‘For that I definitely want a second opinion.’ Doctor: ‘You’re ugly too.'” – Unknown

“I told the doctor I have a problem with my vision. He asked, ‘What seems to be the issue?’ I replied, ‘I just can’t see myself wearing glasses.'” – Unknown

“My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.” – Unknown

“I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He recommended I stop going to those places.” – Unknown

“Me: ‘Doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the surgery?’ Doctor: ‘Of course.’ Me: ‘Great, because I couldn’t play it before.'” – Unknown

“Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!” – Unknown

ONE BAD DECISION QUOTES