SHORT FUNNY QUOTE OF THE DAY FOR WORK

“The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”

“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”

“Why be a glass-half-full or glass-half-empty type, when you can just be happy you have a glass?”

“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.”

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”

“The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.”

“I’m not always late, but when I am, I blame it on the traffic, the weather, and the slow escalator.”

“Common sense is like a deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.”

“I don’t have a bad handwriting, it’s my pen that’s allergic to clarity.”

“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“I don’t have a short attention span; I just… oh, look, a squirrel!” BITTER MOTHER QUOTES

“I’m not bossy. I just have better ideas.”

“I don’t snore; I dream I’m a motorcycle.”

“The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.”

“Wake up, be awesome, repeat. But first, coffee.”

“I’m not lazy; I’m just on power-saving mode.”

“I may not be perfect, but I’m definitely limited edition.”

“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”

“I’m not a procrastinator; I’m just on a mission to avoid unwanted human interaction.”

“The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.”

“I don’t need anger management; I just need people to stop annoying me.”

“I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it!”