RONNIE CORBETT FUNNY QUOTES

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“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She gave me a hug.”

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”

“I saw a sign that said ‘Watch for children’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.'”

“I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.”

“I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He replied, ‘How flexible are you?’ I said, ‘I can’t make it on Wednesdays.'”

“I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.”

“Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.”

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.”

“I love pressing F It’s so refreshing.”

“To be frank, I’d have to change my name.”

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!”

“My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. I said, ’40.'”

“I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey… But then I turned myself around.” QUOTES FOR THOSE WHO LOST A LOVED ONE

“I went to buy some camouflage pants, but I couldn’t find any.”

“I used to have a job at a calendar factory, but I got sacked because I took a couple of days off.”

“I can handle pain until it hurts.”

“I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.”

“I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”

“I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.”

“I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.”

“I have kleptomania, but when it gets too bad, I take something for it.”

“My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.”

“I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.”

“I’ve just written a song about tortillas… Actually, it’s more of a rap.”

“I was going to tell a joke about time travel, but you guys didn’t like it.”

QUOTES FOR THOSE WHO LOST A LOVED ONE