“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and a big bag of money.” – Unknown
“I once saw a bumper sticker that said, ‘God is my co-pilot.’ Then I thought, if God is your co-pilot, maybe you should switch seats.” – Unknown
“I don’t know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?” – Unknown
“I was going to give up chocolate for Lent, but I decided I’d rather get to heaven.” – Unknown
“If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” – Woody Allen
“I talk to God every day. Sometimes, I even have a conversation.” – Unknown
“God must love stupid people, He made so many of them.” – Unknown
“Never give the devil a ride – he will always want to drive!” – Unknown
“I believe in God, because even the devil believes in God.” – Unknown
“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” – Mother Teresa ONLY DEAD FISH GO WITH THE FLOW QUOTES
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” – Robin Williams
“God created man before woman because every masterpiece needs a rough draft.” – Unknown
“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did – in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.” – Bob Monkhouse
“I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.” – Unknown
“Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” – Mike Tyson
“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
“I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
“I don’t mind coming to work, but that eight-hour wait to go home is a real drag.” – Unknown
“I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.” – Unknown