GRISWOLD QUOTES CHRISTMAS VACATION

“We’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye!”

“Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there in Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here. With a big ribbon on his head. And I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d***less, hopeless, heartless, fat-***, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey s*** he is! Hallelujah! Holy s***! Where’s the Tylenol?”

“Christmas is not about the gifts; it’s about the people you spend it with.”

“We’re not leaving this house until we have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas ever.”

“Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.”

“Bend over and I’ll show you.”

“Eddie, if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”

“The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thspirit of the Griswold family Chrithmath.”

“We checked every bulb, didn’t we?”

“I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas, and we’re all in misery.”

“The little lights aren’t twinkling.” NEW TIRE QUOTES

“I don’t want to spend the holidays dead!”

“I’m gonna get you, Aunt Edna. Get you real good.”

“This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f***ing Kaye!”

“Why is the carpet all wet, Todd? I don’t know, Margo.”

“Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.”

“My house is bigger than this.”

“I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do, I’m gonna snatch the kids and run away from home!”

“We’re gonna have so much fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our smiles!”

“Eddie, if I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.”

“I don’t know if I oughta go sailin’ down a hill with nothin’ between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.”