“I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.” – Unknown
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” – Steve Martin
“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown
“If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.” – Douglas Adams
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
“I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.” – Unknown
“I don’t need Google, my wife knows everything.” – Unknown
“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips
“The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.” – Martin Mull
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin
“I’m not shy. I’m just good at figuring out who’s worth talking to.” – Unknown J COLE SHORT QUOTES
“Some people just need a high five in the face with a chair.” – Unknown
“Doing nothing is hard because you never know when you’re done.” – Unknown
“I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a secret mission to test gravity.” – Unknown
“I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – Unknown
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.” – Unknown
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they pass.” – Douglas Adams
“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.” – Unknown
“If there’s a will, there are five hundred relatives.” – Unknown
“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott (The Office)
“Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!” – Unknown
“I childproofed my house, but they still get in!” – Unknown
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray