FUNNY QUOTES TO MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY

by

“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.” – Rodney Dangerfield

“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.” – Emo Philips

“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin

“I don’t need a hairstylist. My pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning!” – Unknown

“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” – Zach Galifianakis

“I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.” – Unknown

“My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.” – Unknown

“I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.” – Unknown

“I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.” – Unknown

“I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia. She whispered, ‘They’re right behind you!'” – Unknown

“I’m not saying I hate Monday, but if Monday had a face, I would punch it.” – Unknown

“I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.” – Unknown

“I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.” – Unknown BEST BUSY QUOTES

“I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode.” – Unknown

“Some days, I amaze myself. Other days, I put my keys in the fridge.” – Unknown

“My resolution for this year is to be less perfect. Let’s see how that goes.” – Unknown

“Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.” – Unknown

“I believe in luck. How else can you explain the success of those you don’t like?” – Jean Cocteau

“I’m not clumsy, it’s just the floor hates me, chairs and tables attack me, and walls get in my way.” – Unknown

“I’m not a complete idiot – some parts are missing.” – Unknown

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop.” – Unknown

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same place together?” – Unknown

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.” – Unknown

“I put the ‘Pro’ in procrastination.” – Unknown

“I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why they are called cell phones.” – Unknown

BEST BUSY QUOTES