FUNNY OFFICE QUOTES WITH TIMESTAMPS

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott (Season 4, Episode 3)

“Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.” – Michael Scott (Season 5, Episode 13)

“I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to just tune myself out…” – Kelly Kapoor (Season 2, Episode 1)

“I have a lot of questions. Number one: How dare you?” – Kelly Kapoor (Season 3, Episode 25)

“I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s I made love to many, many women – often outdoors in the mud and the rain… and it’s possible a man slipped in. There’d be no way of knowing.” – Creed Bratton (Season 3, Episode 1)

“I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” – Michael Scott (Season 7, Episode 16)

“The worst thing about prison was the… was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!” – Prison Mike (Season 3, Episode 9)

“I’m not totally useless, I can be used as a bad example.” – Toby Flenderson (Season 3, Episode 19)

“Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are just too flashy. So I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.” – Angela Martin (Season 3, Episode 20)

“Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney, because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.” – Dwight Schrute (Season 5, Episode 3)

“I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.” – Dwight Schrute (Season 2, Episode 11)

“Sometimes you have to work a little… so you can ball a lot.” – Tom Haverford (Season 6, Episode 19)

“Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like a compulsive need to be liked. Like my need to be praised.” – Michael Scott (Season 4, Episode 8)

“I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” – Andy Bernard (Season 8, Episode 6)

“Would I rather be feared or loved? Um… easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott (Season 2, Episode 2) CHILDHOOD CANCER QUOTES INSPIRATIONAL

“Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!” – Dwight Schrute (Season 3, Episode 21)

“I am Beyoncé, always.” – Michael Scott (Season 3, Episode 19)

“I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream.” – Michael Scott (Season 5, Episode 15)

“I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake.” – Kelly Kapoor (Season 7, Episode 18)

“I’m not a hero. I put my bra on one boob at a time, just like everyone else.” – Pam Beesly (Season 5, Episode 20)

“The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.” – Michael Scott (Season 5, Episode 3)

“I have a lot of goals. I would like to abolish money. And I would like to replace it with shrimp.” – Angela Martin (Season 2, Episode 19)

“I am not to be truffled with.” – Andy Bernard (Season 9, Episode 19)

“I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits, but sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair.” – Jim Halpert (Season 2, Episode 17)

“I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days, before you’ve actually left them.” – Andy Bernard (Season 9, Episode 23)

“I’m not a big crier, but once I walked in on my parents having sex… and I’ve cried twice since then.” – Jim Halpert (Season 5, Episode 1)

“Make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.” – Michael Scott (Season 3, Episode 16)

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky” – Michael Scott (Season 5, Episode 20)