FUNNY NEW MOTHER QUOTES

“Being a mom means always being tired, but also having a heart that’s full of love and coffee.”

“Sleep like a baby? Yeah right, I haven’t slept like a baby in years!”

“Before kids: I could sleep in until noon. After kids: I’m lucky if I can pee alone.”

“Being a mom is like being a referee for tiny, adorable, and often irrational humans.”

“I used to have a six-pack. Now I have a snack pack.”

“I’m not a regular mom, I’m a cool mom… who is constantly covered in spit-up and has baby food stains on her clothes.”

“Motherhood: the ultimate crash course in unconditional love and sleep deprivation.”

“Being a mom means embracing the chaos and finding joy in the mess.”

“Some days I feel like I’m a superhero. Other days, I just feel like eating a whole pint of ice cream.”

“Becoming a mom is like going to a foreign country and not knowing the language, but still somehow managing to survive.”

“This morning’s exercise routine: one hour of chasing a toddler around the house.”

“I used to take pride in my flawless makeup. Now I take pride in successfully putting on pants.”

“My house is a mess, but my heart is full. That’s the beauty of motherhood.”

“Who needs a personal trainer when you have a toddler? They keep you on your feet 24/”

“Motherhood is the best form of multitasking. I can breastfeed, cook dinner, and referee a sibling argument all at the same time.” BEING A GOOD MOTHER AND WIFE QUOTES

“Being a mom is like being on a roller coaster ride that never ends. Sometimes you scream, sometimes you laugh, but you never want to get off.”

“Every mom’s superpower: the ability to know where everything is… except for my own sanity.”

“I used to be spontaneous and adventurous. Now I’m strategic and efficient… while still being covered in sticky fingerprints.”

“I never knew love could be so messy… or smell so bad. Thanks, motherhood!”

“If only there was a way to monetize the amount of laundry I do as a mom, I’d be a millionaire.”

“In the battle of moms vs. laundry piles, the laundry piles always win.”

“My idea of a wild night out now involves staying up past 9 pm and binge-watching Netflix as my baby sleeps.”

“I used to think I was organized. Then I became a mom and realized chaos is a way of life.”

“Motherhood: where going to the grocery store alone feels like a vacation.”

“When your child says ‘I love you’ for the first time, it’s like winning the lottery with an infinite jackpot.”

“Nothing makes you appreciate your own mom more than becoming one yourself.”

“The best advice I ever received as a new mom: ‘Lower your expectations and raise your coffee intake.'”

“Motherhood is not for the faint of heart, but it’s definitely for those who don’t mind wearing mismatched socks and sporting a messy bun.”