FUNNY BUT POSITIVE QUOTES

“I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.”

“I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.”

“My bed and I have a special relationship. We’re perfect for each other. It understands me; it’s always there for me in good or bad times. I couldn’t imagine life without it.”

“I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.”

“I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!”

“Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!”

“I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.”

“I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s not flying. Disappointed yet again!”

“I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room together?”

“I love sleep. My life has this tendency to fall apart when I’m awake, you know?”

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” – Michael Scott

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”

“I may be a beginner at some things, but I’m an expert at making it up as I go along.” FAMOUS QUOTES EQUALITY

“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”

“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey

“I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.”

“Procrastination? No, I save my energy for the important things… like scrolling through social media.”

“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a few bill payments.”

“The secret to a happy life is not having everything, but it’s to love everything you have.”

“I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new fantastic hairstyle every morning.”

“Why worry about the world ending today? It’s already tomorrow in Australia!”

“I always give 100% at work. 13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, and 4% Friday.”

“Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.”

“I am not lazy, I am simply on my energy-saving mode.”