CLARK GRISWOLD QUOTES CHRISTMAS VACATION RANT

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“We’re gonna have the hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f*****g Kaye!”

“Can’t see the line can you, Russ?”

“We checked every bulb, honey… we’re just going to have to check them all again!”

“Hey kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sled on its way in from New York City!”

“Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas.”

“I didn’t mean to babble on, this is quite a load we got here, huh?”

“Why is the carpet all wet, Todd?”

“I don’t know, Margo!”

“We’re not driving all the way to Missouri for one can of spray-on snow.”

“That… is a one-year membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.”

“This is crazy. This is crazy! This is crazy!”

“Aunt Bethany, does your cat by any chance eat jello?”

“Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber.” IF GOD IS OMNIPOTENT AND OMNISCIENT QUOTE

“The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin.”

“I simply solved the problem. We needed a coffin… Er, a tree. Fixed us a tree.”

“Grace? She passed away thirty years ago!”

“Save the neck for me, Clark!”

“Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere? Leave you for dead?”

“We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f*****g Kaye!”

“It’s a beaut, Clark! It’s a beaut!”

“Fixed the newel post!”

“Oh, I don’t know, Margot. Isn’t it warm?”

“S***ters full!”

“Gonna burn some dust here. Eat my rubber!”

IF GOD IS OMNIPOTENT AND OMNISCIENT QUOTE