CHRISTMAS QUOTES SHORT FUNNY

“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” – Victor Borge

“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” – Andy Borowitz

“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.” – Robert Paul

“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Unknown

“Three phrases that sum up Christmas are: Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Men, and Batteries not Included.” – Unknown

“Santa saw your Facebook posts. You’re getting a dictionary for Christmas.” – Unknown

“At Christmas, all roads lead home.” – Marjorie Holmes

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Unknown

“Christmas is like candy; it gradually melts in your mouth—sweetening every taste bud, making you wish that it could last forever.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.” – Winston Spear PROFESSIONAL QUOTES ABOUT CHANGE

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.” – Phyllis Diller

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.” – George Carlin

“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” – Shirley Temple

“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” – Buddy, from “Elf”

“Christmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you’re home.” – Carol Nelson

“The only blind date that is successful is the one you’re too drunk to remember.” – Unknown

“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” – Larry Wilde

“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas, but if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.” – Unknown